ughhh!!!

victory lost.

I just got done losing a battle with the enemy. My mind and spirit are tired and I gave in too easily to the tempting call of leftover birthday cake. If it were my own cake, I'd throw it away. But my man asked if he could get it on Monday and I, without thinking, said "sure, no problem". And it wasn't even a temptation until tonight when I went to go to bed. That's when my stomach started to growl and I realized that it had been over four hours since dinner and maybe a couple of my oatmeal, whole wheat, walnut, choc. chip, coconut cookies would not be a bad treat (made with mostly splenda I thought they can't be any worse than a fiber bar). But then I wanted something else and before I knew it the lies started swirling in my head..."just a couple of bites with no frosting...you did so well today...blah, blah, blah".

And now I realize, I've forgotten to pray for it today.

Lord, please help me to re-train my brain. Work in my heart and change my desires. Make my desire to know and love you #1, my desire to love myself #2, and my desire to love others #3 (not because I'm selfish, but because I'll have nothing to give others if I do not love myself as God loves me first). Lord, strengthen me in this battle of the mind and give me your wisdom, perseverance, and hope. I can not do this on my own and it is going to take a miracle for me to see success. But I put my hope in you Lord. Not in myself. My hope is in the Lord, my God who was and is and is to come. My hope is in you Lord as all things are possible with you and I can accomplish everything through you. Lord let it be you and your spirit that controls my heart, mind, body, desires and choices. You have given me so many blessings and overcome so many other struggles in my life, Lord, work through me to overcome this. Hear my heartfelt cries and do not forsake me to this sin. When I lift a fork to my mouth, let it be you who is carrying it there, and when the fork is being laid down, let it be you who puts it there. Show me Lord how to surrender this to you and how to re-train my brain. Show me Lord a different way. Show me Lord what you have in store for me and light a fire in my heart for this journey. Please God, please. You are a God of love able to do all things and I thank you for all that you have done. In Jesus' name, amen.